Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
