i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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