is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
