the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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