I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
