remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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