96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
