okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
