is your mom at the bar?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
