Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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