Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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