"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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