Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
