And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
