Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
