"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
