What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
