It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
