Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
