Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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