I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
