I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
