We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
