Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
