JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
