i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
