I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
