Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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