I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
