Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
