Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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