i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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