My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
