You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
