btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
