Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
