Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
