areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
