Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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