I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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