i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
