i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
