dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
