Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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