Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
