there's paper in my vomit.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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