I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
