Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
