I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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