As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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