My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
