I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
